The I’m Behind Delusion
Stop comparing your raw footage to others' highlight reels
You’re scrolling through LinkedIn or Instagram at 11:00 PM, and suddenly, everyone else seems to be winning a race you didn’t even know you were running. New job announcements, “30 under 30” lists, humble brags about awards, house keys, and flawless pivots. You see a former colleague land a VP role. You see a friend from college closing on a house. You see a stranger online who seems to have “cracked the code.” Suddenly, your own progress feels like a snail’s pace. You feel late. You feel like you missed a memo that everyone else received. The weight hits your chest: I’m behind.
Let’s break down why that feeling is lying to you and what you can do to overcome the delusion of feeling behind.
The Comparison Trap
Everyone is comparing themselves. Everyone feels like they’re behind. You might think you’re the only one watching the clock, but the person you’re jealous of is probably looking “up” at someone else with the same knot in their stomach.
Everyone is pretending the “Ahead” part: We all hide our struggles; we all show our wins.
You’re comparing your “Inside” to their “Outside.”: You compare your messy, internal monologue—full of doubts, late starts, your 2:00 AM anxieties, and bad hair days—to everyone else’s polished, edited exterior.
Remember: You’re comparing your “behind-the-scenes” footage to their “highlight reel.” Naturally, yours seems less impressive. That’s not a fair fight.
The Myth of the Linear Path
Careers aren’t ladders; they’re jungle gyms. The linear path from School to Job to Promotion to Success has been a myth for the last few decades. In reality, growth rarely happens in sync.
Timelines are arbitrary: Who decided you had to have it “figured out” by 25? Or 40? These are just random markers that don’t account for the complexity of human life or your specific environment.
Non-linear growth: Real progress usually happens in a zig-zag pattern. It involves a series of pivots, plateaus, and sudden jumps. If your path isn’t straight, it’s not broken — it’s how most careers look nowadays.
If your path resembles a zigzag rather than a straight line, it doesn’t mean you’re lost. It means you’re exploring or responding to career factors without proactively considering them.
Reclaim Your Pace
When you spend the entire race watching the runner in the next lane, you are not necessarily running as fast as you can. Your pace isn’t “slow” or “fast”; it’s just yours.
Validating your timeline involves asking yourself: What does success mean to me? Finding that answer requires self-reflection, and I recommend you start that reflection today.
While you figure out what success means to you, keep moving, learning, and exploring. It’s okay to build momentum in your current path as you define success for yourself. If you’re unsure whether you’re focused on your lane, follow these steps:
Utilize the Behaviors, Outcomes, and Skills (BOS) Audit to enhance your internal value. Apply the audit’s insights to select projects that will help you progress.
Use the Career Context Audit to boost your market value and competitiveness. Collaborate with your manager to take on stretch assignments that support your growth.
Shift to where the context factors work in your favor.
If your goal is to upskill, pursue a promotion, or pivot, let the people who can help you know.
Don’t get overwhelmed by everything you need to accomplish. Take a deep breath and focus on one thing at a time. The only person you need to beat is the version of yourself that stayed in bed yesterday and did not take any action. 😊
The Takeaway
Stop measuring your progress by someone else’s yardstick.
Recognize that “late” is a relative term that often means nothing.
Keep moving forward, even if it’s just an inch today. Use the Behaviors, Outcomes, and Skills Audit and the Career Context Audit to develop your action plan.
The only “correct” timeline is the one that leads you to your definition of success. Stop comparing your “Inside” to their “Outside.”
The road ahead is yours to shape!
Suresh 😊